Advertisements

Get your Confessions of the Professions pen today!



Can I get a fucking job already?

Author: Anonymous
MyPost: create beautiful simple web pages in minutes with just a few clicks!
The Daily Dot Store: the leading destination for stylish accessories, gadgets, everyday carry essentials & more!
PROMOTE: Place a Text Link on this Confession ONLY

Read This Confession To Me

The views, opinions, and positions expressed by the author and those providing comments on this website are theirs alone, and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or positions of Confessions of the Professions thereof. By reading the following article, you do not hold responsible Confessions of the Professions or any contributing authors for the content of this confession. Viewer Discretion is Advised.

ME: I'm a machine, a Goddamn monster, bloodthirsty. Willing to work 180 hours a week on the stupidest, most pointless shit. Do you have pleadings that need just a little "tweaking" because, despite how you act around friends and co-workers, you're actually a shitty writer? Well, yes, I can re-write those and then eat shit while you take all the credit. Got a contract that you could really handle yourself, but you'd be happier tossing off some of the actual work to a shit eating loser? Yes, I can turn comments on those at 2 a.m. Got some documents that need review? I'm your fucking man. I'll do doc review until I'm blue in the face; I will sit there doing doc review until my prostate explodes. Why? BECAUSE I NEED A GODDAMN JOB. Don't get me wrong: I've given up hope of ever being successful. Law school destroyed me and destroyed my life. I'm fucked forever, I know that. But my girlfriend will leave me if I don't get a job fast and she's the only thing I've got going in the world. Seriously, I'll be out on the fucking street and I won't even care. I might go live in a box or get a canoe and go out into the ocean to die of exposure.

YOU: I don't give a fuck so long as you pay me. You can be a baby-eating republican or a flag-burning democrat. I don't care. John Edwards, I would LOVE to work for your new firm. You could even be doing some freaky Saul Goodman shit and I wouldn't care. Why? Because I've given up. I thought for a while that I could be an attorney and NOT be a shit bag, but I get it now that it's not possible. So take a look in the mirror and, if you see a fat, soulless, life sucking, miserable, cocksucker who is so miserable that you want to ruin someone else's life, send shitty emails and call in the middle of the night to complain about work that just has to be done in the morning, or to complain about how everything is wrong and awful and so I'll have to do it over and over, or even if you want to make fun of my sexuality/ethnicity/disability/face to make yourself feel better about your lost youth, then give me a call.

I can't wait to hear from you!


Original Source: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/4206407056.html



If you enjoyed this confession, make sure you subscribe to the Confessions RSS feed!
You can also follow Confessions on Twitter.
You can also subscribe to the Weekly Confessions Digest.

(


Advertisements
Tags: attorneycallconfessiondocumentsgirlfriendjoblawlaw-schoolmachinepayreviewschoolwork

1 Comment

  1. FUCK YOU says:

    FUCK YOU YOU WHINY ASS BITCH FUCKING SACK UP AND WORK AT WALGREENS OR EVEN BETTER BUY A FUCKING GUN AND SHOOT YOURSELF ITS NOT LIKE THE WORLD NEEDS ANOTHER GODDAMN LAWYER - THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR THINKING LAW WAS A SMART IDEA. DO US ALL A FAVOR AND HANG YOURSELF

Leave A Reply


Permalink: http://confessionsoftheprofessions.com/can-i-get-a-job-already/
Shortlink: http://goo.gl/PP19Oi
HTML: http://www.confessionsoftheprofessions.com/htmlcache/can-i-get-a-job-already.html
AMP: http://confessionsoftheprofessions.com/can-i-get-a-job-already/amp