Anonymous 5m 1,229
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
One summer I accepted a full time job as an office assistant. This was a temporary job, and the temp service advised me that I should take this job as it could lead to full time employment. I didn’t feel comfortable working in an office, because I think that some of the people who work in offices are just a little bit not too normal, owing this to the fact that they spend 8 hours a day in one spot, tethered to a phone and computer, getting up only to eat or pee. But, since it was just a temp job, I could leave at the end of the assignment, so at the time I remember thinking, “how bad could this be?” and I agreed to take the temp job.
I started on a Monday morning, and entered the exciting world of higher education (this was a university in Baltimore, Maryland which had a school for future nurses.) I was met by a Princess Diana Look Alike who turned out to be an extreme born again Christian freakazoid. I was the only new employee to start work that day, and thanks to this born again freakazoid, I had to attend orientation… there was no one else in the orientation class, just me and the freakazoid.
She actually made me sit in a large room, filled with student desks, in the front row. She scheduled the entire day for my orientation. Before we got started, I asked her, “Is anyone else coming”? She replied, “Nope. But I didn’t want to cheat you out of the orientation experience, so I’m going to hold the class, just as if we had a large group of new employees.” I should have known then and there that this job was a mistake. But, there was the little matter of rent, so I stayed the entire day, in orientation class, just me and the freakazoid.
Orientation class was finally over at 4:30 p.m. but instead of letting me go home, she made me sit in her office for the last 30 minutes of the day, completing some filing for her. She explained that of course she could have let me go home right after the orientation class, but staying for the full 8 hour day would make me a better Christian, because I am getting paid for a full 8 hours, so I should stay and work for a full 8 hours. It was times like these that I was ever so grateful no one could read my mind because I was truly thinking that she is the biggest jerk on the planet and should be burned at the stake.
I got home and called the temp agency, begging for mercy and asking them to please, please, pul – lease release me from this job, I can’t work with extreme/conservative/born again Christian types, they scare the hell out of me. The temp agency manager who was assigned to me asked me to tough it out; it’s only for a 4 or 5 more weeks. Of course, against my better judgment, I stayed in the job, working mostly as a gopher, trying to look busy as I had really nothing to do and all day to do it.
Turns out that I was temporarily replacing a permanent secretary who took time off to have a baby. I wasn’t really needed as I had practically no work to do, but the university was accepting federal funding for a secretary, so they needed a body at that desk.
The born again freakazoid turned out to be mostly harmless, but she was a big fat weirdo. One example of her extreme behavior was the morning that I came in to work and found a small gift wrapped box on my desk, with a card that was addressed to me, from her. I opened it, and it was a miniature Bible, the King James Version, of course.
I didn’t know what to do, so I did nothing. Around 11 AM, close to lunch time, she came by and asked me how I liked the gift she had given me. I said that I did like it and thanked her for it – what else could I do? She then told me that she had a dream about me and feared the eternal damnation of my soul, and that was the reason she gave me the bible. It was just too much, but I just kept thinking that I have just 3 more weeks to go, and then I am out of this nut house.
The next week was particularly memorable. She said she received an anonymous greeting card, inviting her out for a mysterious date. She insisted that I come along with her, in case it was an evil plot for someone to kidnap her and enslave her in a white slavery ring. Of course, no one would ever want to kidnap her, white slavery ring or not.
I insisted that I had a previous engagement and regretfully, could not accompany her; I even advised her that she should not go if she felt uncomfortable. The truth is, I didn’t care if she went or not, secretly, I never wanted to see her again. It would have been a good thing for me if someone did kidnap her, but I knew no one would do that – she was just too weird.
That day I couldn’t wait to go home. This born again freakazoid was a total nut case. I had to get away from her.
There were a few other strange incidents, and I did manage to hold on until the regular secretary came back to her job after having her baby.
On my last day working there, one of the other permanent secretaries said that every Friday they get together and go to P.J.’s Pub for a drink, and invited me to join them, assuring me that the born again freak is never invited and wouldn’t come even if she was, because she does not believe that ladies should be inside of pubs as it’s not what God would want. We both laughed, and I agreed to join them on my last day, for a farewell cocktail.
When we got to P.J.’s they all ordered a pitcher of Bud Light and gave me a key chain with the university’s logo, as a going away gift. I asked them why they stayed away for me while I was working with them for those few weeks; they all laughed and said that born again freak had sent out a memo instructing everyone to stay away from me.
They also told me that there was a pool around that office, betting if I would stay, get fired, or quit. And, if I did stay, how many days would I have lasted? Apparently this born again Christian is so strange that every time a new employee comes to work in that office, the other secretaries get together and start a pool, betting to see how many days the new person will last before quitting. UNBELIEVABLE! Church ladies and born again freaks scare the heck out of me.
I couldn’t believe it. The whole time that I worked there, they all knew she was a freak, and they just stayed away from me, because she sent out a memo telling them to not come near me.
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