Anonymous 2m 440
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
The Comedy of Horror in the 1980s
So what are you watching? I watch mostly comedies, but occasionally I’ll watch something that reminds me of my 80’s childhood: B horror movies.
Fucking love ‘em. Nothing scares me less than a B horror movie.
B horror movies were all low-budget films that usually turned into a movie series because they were popular, scary, and people were addicted to watching them.
Freddy Kreuger. Some guy with pizza on his face and knives in his hand? Really? That’s a fucking awesome idea. Can I get a pizza please, fucking pizza face? That’s right. You stuff your fucking face with pizza! And then pizza kills you in your dreams. Fucking heart attack.
Chucky. Oh my! I love Chucky! A doll who kills people, looks like a ginger (no pun or offense intended), and is so creepy? Yet all the kids are crazy about this ugly mother fucking doll? Crazy shit. Fuck my childhood and sleeping with dolls. Fuck dolls. They are creepy. Later Barbie!
Jason. Holy shit. I’m about to get laid! Finally! When you’re about to get laid, someone fucking comes and kills you! Kinda sucks! I always hope that if I were in a horror movie, I’d be the one to die right after sex. It sucks to die right after sex, but at least she didn’t get pregnant.
Michael Meyers. I’m confused. Some fuck that wants to kill his own family? Did they adopt him or just get fucking blessed by the Devil for a “son that will save you.” Fucking funny as hell. Go ahead. I don’t give a shit. Ain’t me. Ain’t my family. Keep it to yourself. Want to kill a few of the family’s friends, your doctor, and stupid people that don’t understand what the fuck is going on? Go right ahead. But again, keep it to your fucking self, asshole.
And then you just get some other weird fucked up horror shit you don’t really understand. Those movies ruled the 80s. Scared so many teens. 80s horror, I love it! Those were like my childhood “heroes” that scared me into maybe wishing they were real, ‘cuz they would just look hilarious and kill you!
They try remaking those movies but the newer movies just kinda lack something. Some are good, don’t get me wrong, but you just see that old 80s version that scares you silly, and as you watch it as an adult, you realize just how lame but classic those movies were.
Courtesy of Neomam Studios, http://neomam.com/interactive/12iconsofhorror/