Matthew Gates 5m 1,157
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
Getting Over Past Love; Missed Shot At Love
A search of anything from “getting over past love” to “how to get over my ex” will yield millions of search results. There are endless scenarios about what happened and what went wrong, from getting stuck in the friend zone, to losing interest in each other, to one partner even cheating on the other. Whatever the case may be, perhaps you are here reading this because you cannot seem to get over a former love. She or he made you feel special, you had the butterflies, you even worked up the courage to actually make it happen. Wow, look at all that you accomplished, and it just did not work out. That is okay.
Searching for your answer is better than doing nothing. I am not going to tell you that you can win your past love back. In very rare circumstances, it is very possible that she or he could give you another chance or you could find that spark again, but for the most part, Hollywood is just a movie, and reality is that it is probably over. So how do you really get over a past crush? A former relationship? Your ex-girlfriend? Ex-fiance? Or ex-wife? You could spend years lingering and believe me, I was there too, and go ahead and do a search for it, but you will find that there are plenty of people that were like me, and are probably like you.
Maybe you had a missed opportunity at love; maybe you loved and lost; maybe you loved and it was not reciprocated. Maybe they loved you but you did not really reciprocate the way you should have or the way they expected. Craigslist is filled with missed opportunities at love and hopeless romantics or people looking to make things a reality. Reflecting back on it can only mean that it brings up memories, for which nothing can really be done about it. The chance is gone and there is no more, and that is totally okay. Yes, you have to tell yourself this, but its true. Seriously, have a listen at this song, and then follow the best piece of advice I can give you.
The best piece of advice I can give you in a TLDR (too long, don’t read):
Get over it, get out of your head, and move on.
That’s it. I’m done writing this confession. You can thank me in the comments section below. I could really just stop now and that would be the best piece of advice I could give you. The second piece of advice is to realize: it was her fault. It was his fault. It was your fault. It was the fault of both people in the relationship, even if it was just a crush, one side may have liked the other more, while the other just was not feeling it, believed there was no spark, or just had no desire to make it happen. It happens all the time. Convince yourself it was probably just gas. Luckily, and I don’t want to sound cliche about it, but you will find your one, or the one will find you.
The most important things you have to start doing to get over your former love, your former ex, whatever you call whatever relationship there was:
- acknowledge it is over
- reflect upon how you were treated
- reflect upon how they treated you
- understand that no matter what you did, no matter what you could have done, no matter what you should have done, and no matter what you would have done, it is over now
- make amends and come to peace within yourself
Life goes on. It really does. As I reflect back upon one of my most strongest crushes and relationships, I come to understand several things that I could not see before: the way they treated me is not the way I deserved to be treated. The way I treated them may not have been the way they felt they should have been treated. Again, it is my fault, it is her fault, it is the fault of both. In life, there is a right time and a right place for everything. Millions of connections are made each and everyday and millions more connections turn into nothing at all.
Go take a walk on the streets of New York or Chicago and count how many of the opposite sex you are attracted to. Did you interact with any of them? If not, than there was no chance for any real connection except the one in your head, which often leads to no where. Now if you made conversation with them, you might have made a connection to know there was or was not something there. Sometimes you might find a good fit and sometimes you won’t. The point is: you need to make connections.
Get over your past love or don’t. You could spend the next decade longing for a lost love and find out that she or he never was attracted to you in the first place. If you really cannot get over them, and you feel there is a chance, than make a connection with them one last time, whether you do it through email, phone, text, social media, or in person. It does not matter. If you need to have that final conversation in order to get over them, than have it. Otherwise, there is no excuse for you to be clinging on to that person.
Talk to him. Talk to her. Or don’t. Let her go. Let him go. Get over it. Get out of your head. Move on. Reflect on their past actions. Reflect on your past actions. Truth is, you were probably so involved in the drama in your own head, you forgot to communicate as much as you did, and they moved on, or vice versa. It happens.
Be optimistic about it and realize that all things happen for a reason and you live, learn, and you grow. No point in giving them anymore time on your mind, as you have probably already let them consume an embarrassing amount of hours. Every experience offers you a new opportunity and the more you reflect on your missed opportunities, the greater the chance of missing new opportunities. Stop missing opportunities and start noticing what is in front of you.
You can write on a forum or Facebook or Instagram or wherever you want and you will get many different answers from many different people, all saying some semblance of go for it or don’t. This is the only way you will ever get over your past love is by accepting that it is the past. Embrace the new day, embrace your life, and accept that your past will stay your past, and your future is what you will make of it.