Matthew Gates 9m 2,316 #weightgain
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
Gaining Weight During Your Busy Life
The following article is not meant to offend you, but only influence you to do something about your lifestyle. This article was not written with any intention to fat or obese shame. You may get offended by some of this material, but you can continue to live your life the way you want, or you can do something about it. This article is meant to motivate you to do something about your current lifestyle. My words may seem harsh and you may not agree with me, but the truth is never easy to handle, and tough love usually always leads to good things.
You were damn good looking in high school, weren’t you? Maybe you were the jock? The cheerleader? The punk rocker? The book nerd? You noticed the kids who were overweight too, and there were plenty of them. You may have even been one of those kids that teased and called them fat.Although they already knew they had a weight problem and had low self-esteem, you probably did not help them by reminding them about their weight.
Maybe you were actually friends with one of those fat kids and although you felt bad for them, you were glad it wasn’t you, and you could eat whatever you wanted and not gain any weight. Your fat friend, on the other hand, complained that even a look at food would make him or her feel like they gained a few pounds.
There is a difference between you and them: they already have the knowledge of knowing what it is like of struggle with weight loss, to live in a world that is tolerant, yet hardly accepting of fat people, of being overweight, imagining a world where they are skinny and accepted by everyone, with a self-confidence they have yet to know, but could have, and everyday is a day on their plan to try and lose weight.
Some may be successful, while others may not. As they get older, they have already tried a hundred different diets, magic pills, special foods, new fads, and lifestyles that supposedly would help them lose weight. They may have learned what works and what doesn’t. Some may accept the fact that they are to remain fat or obese and have even given up and accepted themselves for who they are, how much they weigh, and that they are always going to look the way they look.
Now that you are much more mature, married, had kids, working a desk job, you have come to the realization that you have put on more pounds than you would like to admit. You look at high school pictures and imagine that day when you could eat anything and everything you wanted and weight gain was not even on your mind. Not anymore though.
Everything you eat seems to go to your thighs, stomach, butt, and even that double chin you got going on there, not to mention the sad excuse your chest has become, yes – look at those man boobs you are attempting to hide right now. Good thing they don’t require men to wear bras. Not only that, but guess who is also suffering with weight gain at the same time you are? Probably your significant other.
Yes, you both got married and had children and let yourselves go. When you first met, however, you were both instantly attracted to each other. You both were a normal weight, what most would consider skinny, and now look at you. What happened? You both got busy with your work life balance, you both got lazy, more sedentary, and you both cook “easy” meals — even making the excuse that it is okay to have fast food once or twice a week. Truth is, it’s not okay to have fast food once or twice a week, or ever. It is not acceptable at all and that is what happened.
One excuse after another led you to the belly or the fat ass you have now and you have either accepted each other for your weight, or one of you has issues with the other gaining weight, and one or both of you are promising to do something about it, yet nothing ever seems to change. By the way, how is your sex life? *chirp chirp chirp* I figured just as much. Feeling just like two room mates living together, aren’t you?
As much as you might not like to accept it – thinking that you lost interest in each other, it’s probably not true at all. You both have been together for a while, you married, and you do love each other, but there is just so much going on in life that you you have to keep reassuring each other that you love each other by saying it, rather than showing it. And by showing it, I mean having raw passionate hot nasty experimental sex. You know, the kind you used to have before you had kids and were still energetic.
Remember those days? Has it been that long? As much as most people won’t like to admit it, sex plays a huge role in any relationship, and any couple, person, or “expert” that says otherwise, is lying. Sex is the most intimate trustworthy thing you can do to someone.
The woman allows the man to enter a part of himself into her, the man is granted the opportunity to enter a part of himself into the woman, and both people are as close together as they possibly can be, sharing body fluids, with chemicals in the brain flowing, and if you both have an orgasm – the feelings you have for each other are intensified. Sex keeps any relationship interesting. If it weren’t for sex, you may as well get a good friend and just hang out all the time.
You both may have gained weight, or maybe just one of you, you both are not eating as healthy as you want, you both are overworked and stressed out by your lives, especially your kids, so when you actually do get to have sex, its lazy sex, half-assed sex, or just sex that none of you ever thought you would be having. It is the kind of sex that makes you think you are both bad at sex, non-passionate about sex, or just not into each other, even though you are both probably just tired, and rather than have sex, you should probably be sleeping.
You think that setting a date for being romantic with your spouse is enough to spark your relationship, and it might just be. For most, however, one night is not enough, and the entire relationship really needs to be revamped and renewed for the old romance it used to have.
For this next situation, I have come across many articles and done plenty of research that confirms that weight gain from one spouse or both spouses can be a huge issue in relationships.
I have known some women who have gone beyond overweight into obesity and seem to be okay with this: They accept that they are obese and develop a confidence that might work for them, in order for them to go out into the world, show themselves off, and have completely accepted the fact that they will never be skinny. Of course, there are men in this world who find overweight and obese women attractive and are turned on by them.
If a woman who is overweight or obese can find such a man, she should do all she can to please him and never let him go. However, for the majority of men, who are visual creatures, prefer skinny women or women with a few extra pounds. Plenty of other women cheer them on, saying that their husbands should accept them the way they are, and that their husbands do not deserve them for feeling un-attracted to a fat or obese woman.
If a woman is letting herself go, eating unhealthy, or gaining a massive amount of weight, than there is an underlying issue in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
If her husband is doing all he can to make sure his duties of going to work, bringing home a paycheck, and even helping out around the house and with the children, than it is her duty, if she does not also have the obligation to go to work, to make sure she still looks sexy and confident around her husband, and to ensure her house duties are completed.
If she sits around the house all day and does nothing, than in a way, she is at fault. If both partners go to work, than it is only right that they share equal responsibility in household chores and the children.
On the opposite end, there are also men who gain weight, drink too much beer, do not help their wives out, do not make their wives feel special, expect their wives to handle all the chores and the duties of caring for the children, even if their wives work. If their wives don’t work, than in a way, she may still be stressed out, feel unappreciated, and it is his duty to make her feel appreciated and special again.
He may have used to be romantic and no longer does anything special for her, which causes her to lose motivation and sexual interest in him. She should express this through communication with him, though it is not always guaranteed he will listen nor understand what she is trying to tell him. This is the unfortunate inevitable pattern of comfort in relationships.
Overall, both men and women most likely prefer a relationship in which someone has the same values as them, and this hardly ever changes: Both spouses were attracted physically and mentally to each other. Over time, something mental or something physical or multiple menials and multiple physicals changed, causing partners not to be attracted to each other, or causing both partners to feel they no longer have anything in common and never really belonged together, which is hardly true.
He feels he married her and no longer has to “work at it” and she may also feel the same. She was attractive, sexy, and confident in herself, which made him attracted to her, and she feels she no longer needs to “work at it” and remain attractive, sexy, or confident. He had this intelligent sense of humor that attracted her to him, but that no longer seems to be present in his conversations with her.
It does not help that parenthood, motherhood, and fatherhood tend to take priority in the relationship, while both partners take a backseat to each other and the children become priority and number one in the relationship. This only leads to the inevitable failure of a relationship – with one partner feeling as if they are not important to the other. The friendship and communication in the relationship disappear, conversations become only about the children, and this leads to two complete strangers living in a house together, who share children by blood together.
Your partner was your best friend or you at least shared a lot in common and now you are just complete strangers who have nothing to talk about but the kids. With this kind of thinking, the relationship is doomed. So what can you do about it?
- Relationship habits – Be committed to make the relationship work. Make your relationship with your partner a priority – by listening and communicating with each other. Your children are not to come first. Rather, what is it that your spouse likes to eat? What does he or she like to do? Make time for those things. If you both can afford it, take a months worth of weekend vacations throughout the year to be alone together; to fulfill your needs and [sexual] desires together; to learn about each other again; to make each other number one in each other’s lives again; learn to become best friends again.
- Eating habits – Give up the fast—food, the junk food, including bread, and motivate each other to eat better. Turn healthy food into a new lifestyle and expiration for both of you to learn and explore. Make each other different meals every night using healthy foods. Not only will this benefit you both, but your children as well. Do not listen to your children or give in if they want fast-food. Break them and yourselves away from that lifestyle. It is not a healthy lifestyle and is only tearing your relationship and your family apart. Make breakfast time and dinner time family time in which everyone communicates about their day, about philosophy of life, about anything that does not spark heavy arguments.
- Exercise habits – I know you are busy, but somewhere in the day, after dinner perhaps, you can find time for your spouse and you to take a walk and talk. If you want, include the kids on that half hour to an hour walk. Get your heart going, make some time for each other and the family. Have a weekend vacation with the family dedicated to doing an outdoor event that requires some exercise.
These are just a few suggestions to help you rekindle your relationship, your family life, while also losing weight, and finding the attraction in each other again. It was once there, it is still there! Find something that works for you both and work at it! Prioritize each other, prioritize the children, prioritize your eating habits, exercise habits, and lifestyle habits. Find the commonalities again to make your relationship work, and rather than living a busy life of weight gain, you will find that a busy life can lead you both to weight loss.