Et tu Toilet?

Anonymous 2m 307

The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.

I have a job. It’s not the greatest job, but it’s a job. I wear ties to work everyday, even toss on a suit for a couple days each week. I have my own office, things are going well. However, my company’s office is only one of about 5 on the floor of our building. As such, there’s only a floor bathroom, one that we share with all the other companies. I’d estimate there are about 12 other guys on the floor using the restroom.

Now, when I use a sit down toilet, I tend to not stray. The urinals, they are cheap bar skanks: you take the first one that will accept your penis, use it, wash your hands and leave. But a toilet, that’s a relationship. It takes time to build trust. For the past couple months, I’ve been building that relationship with Toilet #5, the one on the right hand wall. It’s been a good relationship; there is always TP, Toilet #5 looks good (clearly takes care of itself), I always flush. It’s everything you could want in a relationship.

Then today… I walked in, and what do i see? A Redeye lying used on the floor of my Toilet #5. At first, I tell myself that it is probably just overflow from Toilet #4, which has really let itself go; cracked porcelain, no TP, sweats just sitting there, not the type of toilet I want. So I slowly enter, and I see it. The evidence is right there in front of my face, all over Toilet #5.

Read Another Confession: 15 Crazy Car Facts You Won't Believe Are True [Infographic]

I had always knew in the back of my mind that Toilet #5 was getting some action on the side. But I figured it was from someone like me, a good looking person with a decent diet. Someone who flushes. I was wrong.