Matthew Gates http://notetoservices.com 4m 970
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
Living a Life of Paranoia
Paranoia Is Just A State of Mind
Have you ever had one of those days where you really did not want to leave your house or apartment because you knew the world was against you? Maybe your boss was waiting for you to come in so he or she could yell at you or worse — fire you. Maybe your co-workers are looking to go behind your back and do what they can to get you in trouble and get you fired. Maybe someone in the office wants your position and everyone is out to get you. Maybe you have serious doubts about your ability to do your job some days. Maybe you questioned whether you had the credentials to do your job. There is a saying, “A monkey could do my job, but it’s my job.” The fear of your company or your boss laying you off and hiring someone younger, dumber, and for less money plagues your paranoia constantly.
Everyday you go to work wondering if today is your last day, if they are going to call you into the conference room or if the boss is going to call you into the office, and lay the news on you hard. What will you tell your wife or husband? What will you tell your children? You have bills to pay; the mortgage or rent is due soon, and you still have a bill coming in, which is basically the amount of the upcoming paycheck, so you know where it is already being spent. Your money seems to go faster than you are making it and any sudden life change could really be a chaotic life change. You will be left re-entering the rat race of the unemployed pool of people searching for yet another job, with skills that need a home; another company to try and be loyal to, another company to learn, another company to get used to working for — and hope this time you get along with everyone and love the actual company. So what do you do in those moments to overcome your paranoia?
No seriously, what do you do? Okay, I suppose I have an answer for that, but I am just a mere mortal of a man facing my own paranoia, living my own experiences, making my own mistakes, learning my own lessons, and realizing that life happens no matter what. Good things happen and bad things happen and sometimes things just happen that are neither good nor bad.
There are days where I ask myself: Am I qualified for my job? Everyone else thinks its hard and complicated, but for me, its my job; I love my job; I want my job; and I want no one else to have my job. Could they train a monkey to do my job and pay that monkey in bananas? Well, for my job specifically, if the monkey did learn how to do web design and development, than we all might be in trouble – Planet of the Apes comes to mind. Should I be working my job? Do I deserve this job? Are my co-workers out to get me? Are my multiple bosses going to call me into an office and fire me?
The paranoia kicks in and I am left with overwhelming feelings of uncertainty. I feel as if society is going to come crashing down at any moment and there is going to be chaos and violence everywhere, with no one knowing what to do, where to turn, or even knowing who to trust, with the only alternative being that everyone who wants to remain safe must lock themselves in their homes and never come out.
And yet, everyday is the same wonderful miracle: Society continues to function like normal — people head to the grocery store and pay with money for the food they want; other people are going to work; everyone is trying to get this or that gratification in order to achieve some goal they were after. Most everyone functioning in society is respectable to each other and has no intentions to harm other people. Everyone is just trying to live their own lives, get through the day, and do so comfortably.
In the workplace, my co-workers say hi to me, one of my bosses passes me and asks me if I rode my bike into work today — as I do almost everyday in order to remain on the path to a healthy life, and save money instead of putting gas in my car — as she is dressed in less than business casual clothing; for I could swear she just came from the gym, and yet no one seems to mind, and that is just awesome. And as I look at my computer screen, wondering where they are training that monkey to soon replace me, I realize that I am in this office, at my desk, doing my job for a reason.
Not only am I qualified with a college degree and the skills to understand web design and web development, and I am good at it, and not only do I show up to work everyday, on time, five days a week, for nearly 9 hours a day, 52 weeks of the year, but I have a wonderful personality as well and no one is looking to stab me in the back or get me fired. I have finally found stability, a calmness, a peace of mind that may not fully make the paranoia go away, but subsides it to the point where it does not matter. When the day comes when the workplace is a battlefield and ruthless competition is ever-present and society comes crashing down, the only thoughts I will have: This is all just a part of my paranoia and my paranoid life.
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