Anonymous 2m 406
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
Bishop of Rome / Successor of Saint Peter / Holy See / Pontifex / “The Pope”
After the recent resignation of Pope Benedict XVI after almost 7 years of service, the Catholic Church is again looking for a Pope to control the Holy Masses. Please note that this position is highly competitive, with applications expected from superstars including Beyonce, and so not all applicants will receive acknowledgement of their application.
Expected duties and activities of the candidate (if selected) include:
- Waving hands to large crowds of people
- Conducting Mass (a form of religious ceremony – experience highly regarded)
- Waving incense at functions and events
- Sitting in (comfortable) chairs for long periods of time
- Rule on key religious decisions for the Catholic Church
- Engage with key media organisations, authors (e.g. Dan Brown) and other stakeholders to discuss the role of the Vatican and Catholic Church
- Tweet from the official account @pontifex
Skills, experience & competencies
- The candidate should be able to display the following key skills:
- Ability to disregard any scientific or other breakthroughs that would throw doubt into the religion
- Selective memory of events that ‘may have occurred’ involving staff members of the Vatican and Catholic Church
- Strong skills in denial in a range of topic areas including condom effectiveness
- A highly homophobic attitude
- Excellent skills in making up content on the spot that seems ‘deep and meaningful’
- Knowledge of the Catholic Church, its teachings and history is desirable but not required
- Abstinence from all sexual activity
Please note computer skills (other than Twitter) will not be required.
The successful candidate will be required to relocate to Vatican City, a lovely location centrally located within Rome and a very popular tourist destination. A relocation allowance will be supplied to the candidate.
relationships and accountability
The Pope is accountable only to the Holy Father, who the candidate will report directly to. Please note that the Holy Father is unable to assist in the selection process.
The candidate will need to be accessible 24/7 and be dedicated to the job, which is not confined to (mortal/standard) working hours.
Salary & Compensation
The successful candidate will receive a competitive compensation package, including 7 star residence, access to the Papal helicopter, staff members / assistants as required.
To apply, please see the detailed Wikipedia article on the Papal conclave.
Location: Vatican City
Compensation: As negotiated with successful applicant. Highly competitive.
Original Source: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/rom/3609112590.html