The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
The Truths Of Sex
Before we even learn about sex, for those of us who are curious and experiment early, we discover our first joys of masturbation. What pleasure is this? Good vibrations! This is pleasure derived from self-pleasure, in which we pleasure ourselves by touching, rubbing, or caressing our genitals. We do learn, however, for those who are fortunate enough to be educated by appropriate sources, usually the Internet nowadays, that this pleasure can also be obtained with another human being. This act is no longer masturbation, but pleasuring oneself and another person is called sexual intimacy or just sex.
This unique sexual behavior is found among nearly every species, who are considered sexual. There is also asexual, in which a species is able to reproduce by itself, and which brings about offspring by itself. Most species, however, need another, to ultimately reproduce. Sexual pleasure can be obtained by the same gender or opposite-sex species. In nature and in humans, homosexuality is found in which two males may bond or two females may bond and mate for life. The more common occurrence is usually between a male and female of the same species.
When it comes to sexual behavior and sexual intimacy, we learn a lot about ourselves and the one whom we are having sex with. Usually the first time is just an experiment, because we have never had the experience of sex before, we often may not know exactly what to do. With the advent of the Internet, however, it is not hard to figure it out, and expectations are often based on what is observed in sexual behavior in movies or pornography.
Sexual intimacy with another human being is often a learning process. Everyone goes through sexual immaturity or inexperience of sex, as there really is no way to learn the ins and outs of sex, except to experience it with another person. Sex can be learned from someone who already has experience or another person who is inexperienced. While pornography may teach about sex, it very hardly touches on the romantic and loving aspect of sexual intimacy. This must be learned from our own emotions and feelings towards another person.
I learned about sex very early and realized through masturbation that I could even pretend to have sex with other people. For me, it was always sex with females. Sometimes it was sex with girls in my class, other times it was sex with celebrities I found attractive, and once I discovered pornography, it was sex with any woman I wanted and deemed beautiful. After discovering a pornography video tape in my father’s belongings, and through use of the imagination, it was as if sex could be real to me, though it was just my own body and brain releasing the special chemicals that occur when one ejaculates to orgasm. Throughout school and even from my own parents, I waited for the educational talk that never really came. In school, and touched upon in 5th and 6th grade only, there were was just a few short classes on sex education. It was utter disappointment because I wanted to learn more.
This education would never really come until I really began to learn about pornography, women, sex toys, etc., and eventually, upon losing my virginity. Throughout most of my young adult life, my sex life was almost nonexistent. I had a few girlfriends here and there and got lucky just a few times, but for the most part, everyone was having sex, and I was not invited to the party. I longed to have a sexual relationship, but it would be many years before the right person to have it with would come. Although much of my knowledge came from always “being the friend” and listening to girls talk about their sex lives, it would eventually be my own mature sex life that I would learn the most from.
These are the things I learned from sex that no one will ever teach you and you must learn yourself. Every experience with sex is different. Some people have the greatest experiences, discovering orgasm and the g-spot through masturbation or sex with another person, while others are left in the dark, wondering, “Was that it?”
Sex the first time is probably the greatest learning experience, but is far from expectation
If you were exposed to porn early, you probably expect the first time you have sex to be like the porn you saw. It is certainly not. In fact, it is the furthest thing from it. The first time you have sex is something more like this:
Sure, you might have a good time, but you are more curious about putting it in, what it feels like, how long you should last, what it is going to feel like when you cum, should you kiss the other person, should you be focusing on more than just the motions of humping, etc. The very first time you have sex you might be wanting to act like a professional, but most likely, you are just too excited to have finally had sex with someone who was willing to have sex with you.
You might think you love this person and they love you, but you are both young and dumb and probably have no idea what love is. The sex probably feels great because you have waited so long and now you both got to share this long-awaited mystery to finally be unraveled and explored. It feels great because this is a new journey for you and your partner got to be along for the ride. Hopefully the sex was good because there was somehow a real emotional connection and you both made love with each other, not just had sex, but most likely, your first time was just about having sex and seeing what it feels like with another person.
If the other person has already had sex, and they know it is your first time, their expectations are very low for you. They probably are not expecting you to last long if you are a male or if you are a female, to participate much, but at this moment in time, you are into each other, and rather than overthinking everything, just enjoy the sexual experience. This might be a one time thing or it may lead to more sex with this person. Be yourself. Forget what you learned in the porn you watched up until now, and just focus on the other person.
Everyone is having sex but you is just a myth
Throughout my high school years and my college years, with the portrayal of Hollywood movies, everyone was having sex. Wild. Hot. Passionate. Freaky. Kinky. Sex. Everyone who is not you is having sex. Not having sex is causing you think that everyone else is having sex, which is not true. Many people in relationships are not having sex. Many people who are single are not having sex. Many attractive and unattractive people are not having sex. I mean, they are having sex, but not as much as the imagination leads us to believe.
Yes, it is true that people are being exposed to sex at a younger age and there are certainly middle school students who have had sex. This is beyond my generation, because when I was that age, we were all just looking for a kiss. Nowadays, it is going further to oral sex, hand jobs, etc. However, for the most part, there are many people not having sex. There are also plenty of people who are having sex, but it does not really matter. It is perfectly normal to not be having sex, and especially not to be having sex all the time. There are also many people who have had sex and totally regret it. Many people are paying for that 18-to-21-year sentence. Aren’t you glad you are not one of them? It is perfectly okay not to be having sex at whatever time you are at in your life. Maybe you have more important things going on, maybe there is no special someone in your life right now, but eventually, there will be someone, and eventually you will be having sex on a regular basis. Be patient. Until then, have sex with yourself. That is perfectly okay too.
Women do not always have headaches
The common excuse, often portrayed as comedic is that she always has a headache. Honestly, she may just not be in the mood right now. Maybe she has a lot going on in her life and sex is just not something she is thinking about. Maybe she is overwhelmed by the stresses of life. If she is coming up with excuses often, than figure out why. Are you not helping her around the house? Are there chores that need to be done? Is she extremely busy at work or school?
There are many reasons she might not want to have sex with you. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. She is just not in the mood for sex at this time. Maybe there are other things you can do to get her in the mood. She may even find it romantic to offer her a back rub without any sex reciprocated. It might give you brownie points for later, but sometimes, she just is not in the mood for sex. If she is never in the mood for sex, however, you both may need to work on your relationship with each other.
As I always say, you both didn’t come this far in life to be together and not have sex. Life is way too short to not be having some sex. Sex is not everything, but it does help reconnect and bond with each other on an emotional and spiritual level. Sex is that sacred moment you give to each other that no one else can have. Use those precious moments to realize how much you love each other.
Men are not always in the mood for sex
As much as popular theory would love to say otherwise, men are actually not thinking about sex all the time. Men are not thinking about sex every second of the day. When it comes to sex, men are not always in the mood. Just like women, men do have stress and there are things on men’s minds that prevent them from thinking about or wanting sex at this time. If a man is never in the mood for sex, there might be something wrong and you both should open up the why for communication.
There are going to be times where he is just not thinking about sex for days, because he feels stressed, upset, mad, or overwhelmed about something that you may or may not have done. If he does have sex when you ask, but he was not romantic, or could not keep an erection, it does not mean there is something wrong with you. It just means that there was and is probably something on his mind. Also, he may not turn down the opportunity to have sex because being offered sex does excite him, but it is probably his penis brain thinking, not his logical brain thinking. In other words, he may rush at the opportunity to have sex with you, but mentally, he is really not in the mood.
Men or women often think their is a problem and Viagra is a necessary alternative and that the weight of the world is on his shoulders to perform well in bed. In reality, there are things that are subconsciously on a man’s mind, whether it be financial issues, relationship issues, work issues, etc. All of these things can and will affect a man’s performance. This also means that being hard every single time is not always guaranteed. Men as young as 20 are having trouble keeping erections or getting hard and it may just be for the reason that they have things on their mind. Men love sex and they would love to be having it more often, but it doesn’t always mean they can have it more often.
Men will sometimes prematurely ejaculate, or ejaculate too fast, or be unable to stay hard like a porn star
There is an unrealistic expectation, maybe from men, maybe from women, that there is a problem with men who pre-ejaculate or cum too quickly. There is also the expectation that he can hold off on his orgasm forever. All of these are untrue. Men who do not have problems may premature ejaculate because they got too excited too quickly and came, or they may have been trying to hold off on cumming, and they just came too fast. It happens. It does not happen every time, but it happens. There are times where he may: premature ejaculate, cum too quickly, and there are those other times, which somehow seem amazing to both partners, where he can last more than 2 minutes, and sometimes he somehow manages to last up to 10 minutes or even a half hour. It happens.
If he is premature ejaculating every time, there may be a problem, or he may just need to go rub one out before anything pursues. Premature ejaculation or cumming too soon are very frustrating because as much as you want your spouse to enjoy having sex with you, you were not able to control your release, and there is nothing you can do to repair the damage, except wait for the recoil and erection phase. The best way for a woman and a man to deal with this is to be patient and understanding with each other. The worst thing any woman can do is get extremely upset with her man over the situation.
There are other ways that a couple can handle this, including foreplay, in which the couple warm each other up and she helps him to get off, and then he continues foreplay on her, warming her up, as he recoils himself, and is ready to go again. This will often lead to his second time lasting much longer and him being much more relaxed instead of him trying to immediately bust his nut to feel good. Of course, this does involve some patience on either side, and it will not be successful every time, but having patience with each other, working with each other, and understanding each other’s sexual needs as well as sexual flaws and working on improving those sexual flaws can help the couple to have confidence in each other’s sexual intimacy with each other.
Men are also not nor can they remain erect for hours on end like a porn star. Porn stars cannot even stay hard forever. There are often cut scenes that allow him to look like he has not had a break and could last forever. Even if a porn star can hold off and remain erect for a long time, that is not the average man. Men can work on their pre-mature ejaculation, cumming too soon, and even learn to hold off for long periods of time by practicing. By teaching yourself how to turn off for mere moments, by allowing yourself to think about other things that are not as sexual, or by simply practicing on holding off by thinking about holding off, you can improve your sex life with your partner.
Sex is not all about you, men
This can go for both men and women, but it is more directed at men. Sex is really about your partner. When sex is about her, you both actually have more satisfaction. What man does not find it sexually pleasing, satisfying, and fun to watch his woman get pleasure not only from herself, but from him, and have an insane orgasm experience, especially if you both learn to orgasm at the same time.
Women need some time to warm up. They desire to have their fantasies fulfilled in the form of romance. They love to be touched, teased, and caressed. Having a hard penis does not make her ready. If you both agree on being quick, that is one thing, but if you are having a romantic evening of love making, than take your time and do not rush! It makes her want to put off having sex with you because she gets no pleasure from it. Take your time to get to know her body, touch her, let her know that you love her, and that you cannot wait to make love to her, but that you have mastered patience and overcome the penis brain.
Not to get into religion, but in Judaism, it is a man’s duty to ensure his wife is sexually satisfied. Let me repeat that: It is a man’s duty to make sure his wife has an amazing sex life. How many religions actually talk about sex as if it were something good? Sex is good because it allows for the human species to live on. For those who look beyond: Sex also allows us to experience pleasure with our partners. While it is not specifically written as part of the Ten Commandments, it is written that a man is to care for his wife sexually. It is stated, in the Talmud, the Torah, or “The Book”, however you prefer to call it, that a man must provide three basic things for his wife:
Why would an ancient Holy scroll go as far to mention those three things that man must do for his wife? The reason is most likely that once upon a time, man must have felt he could marry without doing those things, and it did nothing good for the relationship. Therefore, man is commanded to do it, and thus, a husband is obligated to be intimate with his wife. Being intimate should imply that his obligations are to feed her, clothe her, and sexually satisfy her. If he fails to do these three things, he is not honoring his duties as a husband.
Learn what foreplay means
This goes for both men and women. As mentioned, women love foreplay, and men often fail to understand this essential term, and how important it is to have a healthy sex life. Women cannot be turned on by the switch of a button, at least, not always. Women need some stimulation, to be romanticized, to feel wanted and loved, and those moments are in the touching, the rubbing, the caressing, the gentle touches, and especially, the patience. Unfortunately, women also fail to realize how much foreplay comes into the picture for men. Women often think a man can be turned on just by undressing and a few kisses, tugs, or sexy moves.
Foreplay allows for both partners to wind down and get into each other, more specifically, remove any of the stresses, the thoughts, and completely involve each other into sexual intimacy. Without foreplay, a man may be able to get an erection for a few minutes, but may find that he often loses it, because his woman did not do much to turn him on. Patience with each other and taking time to really enjoy each other’s bodies goes a long way in sexual intimacy.
Foreplay may take as little as 5 to 10 minutes or as long as a half hour or more, but those moments are worth it, and allow the couple to get turned on and realize how sexually attracted they are to each other. If there is no foreplay involved on both ends, the sexual relationship is dull and uninteresting. Foreplay allows you to explore each other through your sexuality and sexual comfort with each other.
Women do, in fact, like to masturbate and orgasm, when and if they can
A common myth is that women do not masturbate, and if they do, it is rare. It is certainly true that there are plenty of women who never masturbate, who never touched themselves, or even explored their private areas. There are also plenty of women who have embraced the powers and magical powers of the clitoris. It is unfortunate that not every woman has had an orgasm or may have never learned to orgasm, but for those that took the time to understand how to orgasm and were able to orgasm with their partners are certainly in for an amazing treat.
The orgasm was designed to allow the vagina to pulsate and pull her man’s semen into her. It is how we were designed. While there is the factor of ensuring pregnancy, there is also the pleasure factor, for both men and women. When a man appreciates the orgasm of his woman, he can feel her orgasm through her. The female orgasm is one of the most amazing things any woman and man will ever experience. There is nothing like being able to bring her to the heights of orgasm, and it will certainly boost a man’s sexual confidence to know he can bring her that sexual pleasure. It is like a light shines through her and a connection, not only between the two are made, but a connection with the entire universe is possible.
Unfortunately, throughout the centuries, the power of a woman’s orgasm has been downplayed and downright ignored, when it is far greater and more pleasure for both the man and a woman to have a female orgasm. When a couple are that comfortable with each other to experience the female orgasm, sexual intimacy is enhanced. For women, if you have trouble orgasming with your man, do not be afraid to experiment with your lover, and tell him or show him what to do to bring you to that level. For men, far greater than your orgasm is her orgasm. If you can make her cum, you will have a sexual experience beyond anything you have ever known.
Most women do not want to be treated like a porn star
Believe it or not, pornography is all actors and actresses, scenery, cameras, production, etc. You might see the real authentic amateur videos and maybe they are a couple who wants to experiment with making porn and they release the video into the wild of the Internet, but for the most part, porn is just actors and actresses who have scenes to enact and a lot of delays, pauses, editing, and other things going on.
It looks like the men last forever and the women have an orgasm every time, including anal scenes. Most women do not want any part of what women do in porn. They do not want to be filmed. They do not want to secretly be taped. They do not want cum all over their face, they do not want ass to mouth, they do not even want a penis anywhere near their butt holes. From time to time, they may want their hair pulled and they may even like it rough sometimes, but not every time.
They may even want to act out fantasies that are yours and theirs, but not like they saw in porn, but prefer to leave it all to their imagination and yours. For most of the time, women want to be respected, loved, cherished, caressed, and to make love with their loved partner. They want to feel special and feel that they can open up to you because they trust you and you trust them and would never do anything to hurt them, degrade them, or make them feel uncomfortable in any way. They may even enjoy watching porn with you but it does not mean they want to perform every act they see in porn with you or anyone.
If the couple doesn’t have any passion towards each other, it really feels like you both just used each other to masturbate
This may not be true for everyone, but if two people aren’t into each other, aren’t interested in each other, aren’t really sexually attracted to each other, a man or a woman can certainly bring themselves to orgasm using the other person, but it really feels like masturbation. It feels great to use a real live person to get off, but the person is more a means to an end, and it while it might be okay to mutually agree to use each other, sex without passion is just masturbation.
This is an issue with marriage over time, if a married couple has lost interest in each other, fights all the time, bad mouths each other, are no longer into each other, and the sex becomes routine, and they may be married, but marriage has never ever saved a sex life, and in fact, most of the time, as the joke goes, it kills it.
Shower sex is not always the best, but at least you both can have an easy cleanup
In Hollywood, shower sex looks amazing. It is so passionate and raw and hot and clean! Unfortunately, showers in the movies are often on a set, and the shower somehow manages to have so much extra space, where two people can actually fit in it. This is not to say that sex cannot happen in the shower, but my shower is just big enough to get the deed done and move on. I would certainly love to have a romantic Hollywood shower session, but it remains in the movies.
Real shower sex is about one person standing in the nice hot water, while the other stands behind and feels the coldness of the air, while wishing that they could be under the hot water. The best thing about shower sex? You get to clean each other’s dirty bodies. Yeah, I wish that sounded more romantic. I wish it was more romantic, but it’s not. You both stink really badly and you both probably needed a shower. It is nice and can be sexy to clean each other with soap, but rarely is it romantic. However, having sex in the shower means the cleanup is so easy! No one has to worry about a wet spot, cum staying inside for what seems like forever, or rushing to the toilet to pee. Both can pee in the shower, clean each other, hop out, and feel refreshed.
Sometimes we all just need to scratch that itch, both men and women
Truth is… sometimes we just need a quickie. Both men and women want to have sex. They are in the mood, but they are not really feeling romantic. A woman just wants to have sex and feel her man inside of her, while a man just feel himself inside and wants to blow his load. We all have that itch to have sex with our partners, to be inside her, to have him inside, to make love, to kiss, to feel each other, to feel the body of your partner on or under you, to make that connection, to feel that bond, to feel that warmth overall, but specifically in the crotch area, to feel the sensations of having a penis inside to the sensations of being inside of a vagina. We desire it, we dream about it, we fantasize about it, we want it, and we feel as if we need it. After all, we love sex.
Sometimes…. you just gotta bust a nut
As I said earlier, sex should all about her, as it should be. She is your world, but you are hers. Women are often predisposed to sex at an earlier age than men and are likely to find a man who wants to have sex with them several times in their life. Men, on the other hand, are often not the first choice, have to play the investment and waiting game, and may not always have access to sex with another person. They may be excited and as much as they love their partner, they do not always want to make love. In fact, they are tired, and want to de-stress. Trying the whole romance thing when they are tired and looking to have sex relieve some stress is not always going to happen and may even lead to burnout. So a man turns to his woman in hopes that she can help him de-stress, so sometimes a man just looking to a bust a nut.
Sometimes you can be spontaneous and sometimes you just got to schedule an appointment, especially if you got kids.
Try and be spontaneous all you want, take each other on the kitchen table, the bathroom floor, the living room couch, or on the balcony. If you have kids, a job, stress, etc., it is just not going to be as easy as you think. Planning a schedule might help you both if you know each other’s schedules, but even schedules fail. One of you might not be in the mood or one of you may be tired, and just unable to function as well as you should.
It used to be easy but now you have responsibilities and kids and the spontaneity is no where to be found. Find time in your schedule to be on the same page with each other. Desire those moments while the kids are at school and you both are home at the same time. Take advantage of that time. Whether you have to hop in the shower real quick or if you have time to pull out the toys to use with each other, make the best use of your time, and get laid by each other.
Sex without love is just sex
As I said earlier, sex without passion towards each other feels like using each other to masturbate. The sex is a stronger bond when you both love each other and are completely into each other. When you love each other, the sex is somehow more meaningful and powerful. You can have sex with someone who doesn’t love you and you can love them, but something feels off. It feels like you both are not on the same level and the connection between each other is lacking. When this connection is lacking, is the sex with this person really worth it? It could be so much stronger and much more meaningful with someone you love and someone who loves you.
It might sound far-fetched, but there are many people who are nymphomaniacs and sex addicts who are constnatly seeking the highs of sex. In most cases, they are not seeking the feeling of the orgasm, but rather, they want the feeling that sex offers when being able to make that connection with another person. Many people find it once, but it is very hard to find again. It may even be lost sometimes with the person you fell in love with and the person you love, but the good news is: It can be found again.
It is never lost because all you need is one other person to make that unique connection with you that is deeper than sex. When you do find that one special person who you can make love to and actually wants to share their sex life with you, the sexual feelings are intensified beyond bliss Sex with someone you love and with someone who loves you is one of the most powerful bonding experiences you will ever have with another person.
You do not have to be jealous of sex toys
It is often a common occurrence, especially with men, that they get envious and jealous of a woman’s toys. Women’s toys are designed by professionals and experts who understand toys that stimulate the clitoris. Women who have experimented with masturbation as a young girl and continually masturbated throughout their lives know what turns them on and they know all the parts that stimulate and get them off. When they find a toy that they love and use often, they are just as heart-broken when that toy dies.
That toy brought them pleasure, happiness, and an orgasm. Your penis cannot even compare to that toy, but your penis could be just as powerful with that toy. Women are able to achieve a vaginal and clitoral orgasm together, usually through stimulation by a penis within their vagina and a toy stimulating their clitoris. The spasms a woman receives upon having an orgasm from the combination of these two will amaze any man. It is an experience worth achieving multiple times because it gives you insight into the sexual connection that can be made.
Being jealous of a sex toy is denying her the pleasure she deserves and going against your duty of pleasing her. The sex toy may be able to make her cum every time, but it cannot take the place of how you make her feel when you look at her in the morning without makeup, when you cuddle with her before you sleep, when you make her lunch or dinner, or randomly bring her flowers, or hold her hand, or just be there by her side.
On the other hand, there are women who may be jealous of men’s sex toys. If anything, many of these sex toys may be able to help men perform better and if a woman learns the joys of these toys and uses them on her man, it may improve the sexual relationship. A woman may even be able to better understand her man’s penis by figuring out why he enjoys these specific sex toys.
Kinky and experimental sex does not make you a porn star, but can be fun
A woman could be a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. A man can be a gentleman in public, but an animal in the sack. We all have our fantasies, our turn-ons, our desires, and sometimes, they stay in our fantasy world, while other times we may want to act them out. If we find a partner who is willing to see these fantasies as a sexual adventure and realize how much these experiences help with trust and closeness, their sex life is enhanced beyond explanation. When you are with someone you trust, you can open up in every way, including sexually.
There may be things you told yourself you would never do, but with this person, it somehow changed, and you do not mind experimenting sexually with them. Everyone has sex fantasies and it may be something you saw in a porn film or it may just be something you thought about doing. Of course, if it involves harm to yourself or another, there may be something wrong with you. However, if it is pleasurable and no one is harmed in the process, than give it a try.
Men and women can have multiple orgasms in a row
It sounds like something we would all love to do. I can imagine a woman lying in bed, giving herself orgasms, ignoring phone calls and responsibilities, just to stay in bed and play with herself all day. Of course, I have never known any women to actually do this. But it sure as hell sounds like something I would love to know about. It is already known that women can and do have multiple orgasms, either by pleasuring themselves, or having sex with their partner.
A lesser known trait that both men and women barely know about is a man’s ability to recoil himself within seconds and continue. In porn, you see this happening, though in most cases, the scenes were cut to make it look like the man could cum again without waiting too long. While it does take practice, a man can cum at least twice in a row without needing much time to recover. Normally, after a man cums, he is unable to do much with his limp penis for several minutes to even an hour. Fortunately, he can do other things while he waits for his penis to recover, such as foreplay and focusing his attention completely on his partner until he gets excited again with his penis brain.
This ties in with having passion, being sexually attracted to, and being in love with a partner. It becomes much easier to maintain, keep, and recoil an erection moments after cumming. This is further extended by additional touching, caressing, and keeping his attention and excitement fully on you. It does take practice to learn how to cum multiple times, but men can do it.
Most importantly: Give up porn for a better relationship and improved intimacy with each other.
I wrote a long article on why people, specifically men, should give up porn addiction. While you can read the article yourself, I wanted to mention some of the reasoning in this article. Porn seems wonderful because we have access to it 24/7 without any seemingly obvious repercussions, though there is evidence that suggests porn is affecting our sex lives negatively.
We have access to our pleasure zone all day and everyday. We have access to as many women as we desire. We have access to porn when we are young, so our access gives us the fantasy of a sex life that we don’t really have. Since we are exposed to it young without anyone to teach us, we believe that porn is the way real sex is supposed to be, when the reality is that it is not.
The problem is that these women are not real to us, but our minds make them real for the instant we are in the fantasy. They are real people whose job is to be a porn star, but they are not real people in our lives. By having porn handy all the time, we are damaging our brains to be unable to understand fantasy anymore. We damage ourselves because we become more turned on by porn stars than we do our own loved one, who once was the sexiest person we saw, and that we couldn’t wait to make love to. Porn addiction is a real addiction that affects many people and renders men believing they have erectile dysfunction, when really, they are just addicted to porn and are turned on more by the fantasy of porn than the reality of their partner.
Favoring or fantasizing about porn because it is more attractive and exciting than your partner does mean that there are issues in your relationship, and especially in your sex life. Porn is what alcohol is to many people: they use it to avoid their problems, deal with their sadness and sorrow, or even use it to deal with their happiness. When a man chooses porn over his spouse, he is essentially admitting that he does not want to invest the time or energy into his real life sexual relationship anymore. If you want to save your relationship and cherish the very powerful sexual relationship that you could have, than the best thing anyone can do is quit porn completely, and join the No Fap movement.