Anonymous 5m 1,176 #ilovemydog
The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
A brief story about my ex… we met, we fell in love, we had many great moments together, good times and good sex, bad times and tough times, and even got a dog together, until one day, it came to an end. The dog was not my idea. In fact, I am not really a dog person. I’m more of a cat person, so when I didn’t hear from her for a few hours and then all of a sudden, she brought home a dog, I wanted to be mad at her, it was short-lived as I came to love the dog. Although I established yet another short-lived rule to have the dog sleep in its cage for a month, eventually, the dog would cry so much, we ended up just letting her sleep with us and I fell in love with the dog. Unfortunately, after a decade together, our relationship did not last.
I won’t elaborate completely, only to say that looking back on our relationship, we were both at fault. There were times where she tried more than I did or I tried more than she did. She asked for marriage counseling. I asked for more improvement and effort when it came to intimacy. She declined. I declined. Eventually, it came to an end, and overnight, it was over. And yet, while I did miss my ex a lot, I really missed that dog. She was really the best dog and smartest dog I had ever owned. Get another dog, you say? I miss that one. To be honest, as I said, she was the one who wanted a dog and I am a cat person, so it makes no sense for me to get a dog.
After we got the dog, she became our dog and we named her Lulu, though I always said it was her dog and her responsibility, even though I’d find myself walking the dog every evening, or standing out in the freezing cold in my underwear waiting for the dog to sniff around for the right spot to pee. Or being the one who carried and tended to the dog if we took her on road trips with us. I had even trained the dog so well that I let the dog go out to an extent by herself and she would return home. The distance was only a few feet away from the house and I would always make sure there was no one else around. The dog was very trained and no longer even needed a leash, though with her Mom, she was a bit more of a bad girl.
With me, she was always on her best behavior because of how I trained her. If she was good, she got a freer leash to the point where she could even roam free, as long as she remained close by my side and came when I called her. If she was bad, she’d get a short leash, and walking was no longer fun to her. This trained her to understand that if she wanted to roam around and be free, she had to be a good girl. I loved that dog. My ex moved across the country and although she had invited me once or twice to come visit, which I still haven’t been ready to do due to the fact that before we parted way, she stated that this was it and to never come back, and that hit me hard.
I remember that day clearly, I was woken up very early in the morning, only to be told by my ex, who drove me to the airport that it was over. I could see she had already spoken to our dog. I thought we’d be driving me to the airport with the dog in my arms like we often did when I left for the airport, but that day was different. The dog was not wagging her tail. It was as if she knew I was leaving and she would never see me again. I tried to pick her up and she felt limp, not bubbly and lovey like she normally did with me. It felt as if she knew that day was the last day she was going to see me. Dog language just appeared as if she lost a parent that day.
Fortunately, a few months in, she would hear my voice when I spoke to my ex on the phone or through webcam and she would brighten up and look around the room, specifically at the door, sometimes even running to the front door to see where I was when she heard my voice. I miss that dog like crazy. Nothing will ever replace her, not even if I got a dog that looked like her. I loved that dog. I wish our relationship could have at least lasted until that dog’s final days but most people cannot stay in a relationship that isn’t working simply for the dog. Although many people do stay for their children. In fact, she was my child. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to stay until I was really no longer welcome there anymore.
I do have some fear of returning back to our toxic relationship that took me nearly two years to recover from and while we have managed to still communicate with each other a few times a week, more like acquaintances and semi-friends who used to be married, I miss that dog. I can’t get over it. She’s getting older. She’s nearing 13 or 14 years old, with her lifespan coming to an end, and I really want to make the trip to see her. It sounds weird. My own family warned me not to go see her and if I really felt that way, to just get my own dog. But it’s not the same. I loved that dog because we had our own relationship for about 7 or 8 years.
I am about to just bite the bullet. Whether it means being scolded by an ex who I haven’t seen for almost 3 years and just renting an AirBNB, just to come visit for a few hours, or having a rekindling of an old relationship, though this would be our third try at it, and I’m not sure either of us can really handle that emotional toll, although I doubt she even feels that way for me anymore, and I’m not sure if I only let my fantasies get the best of me sometimes, but just wanting to get a final moment with my ex’s dog before she dies. While there are still some feelings for my ex there, there are even more emotional feelings for my ex’s dog. So I know I’m not the only one, I write this for everyone who might not miss their ex, maybe they do, but they damn sure miss their ex’s dog.