The views of this article are the perspective of the author and may not be reflective of Confessions of the Professions.
This article is deemed for a mature audience only.
Do You Masturbate To Your Partner?
This article has been deemed for a mature audience only. You proceed at your own risk.
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Masturbation is a subject that not too many people want to admit or talk about, but as this is Confessions of the Professions, nothing here is ever off limits to talk about, including politics, but especially when it relates to sex. Personally, I love sex. I love everything about it. And if you’re just getting started on reading this, it is likely that there is something about sex that you like too. I mean, I must admit: sex is definitely best with a partner, but if you’re unable to or don’t have access to a partner, the next best thing is having sex with yourself, and that is called masturbation.
Masturbation is a topic that can be taboo and for some reason, is often associated with sin. As if the creator would have made your arms shorter so you could not sin. I suppose temptation has gotten the best of you and you’re going to hell. Of all the evil things that could happen, that seems to be the one thing that damned you to hell. Seriously, get over yourself. Sure, if you want to live your life believing that, you are free to do so. I personally don’t think I or anyone who has had sex, masturbated, or even thought about touching themselves is going to hell.
Now that we’re past all that, lets discuss the topic at hand. In my efforts to do some research on this very specific subject, that is, do you masturbate to your partner? What does this mean, exactly? A search of this topic seems quite taboo. The results tell an interesting story about how our society thinks about masturbation while in a relationship. The search results yielded a ton of porn sites, but the few articles it did bring up before those were mostly:
Is masturbation okay if I do it with my partner?
Should I masturbate with my partner?
Is it okay to masturbate next to my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband?
Is it normal to masturbate next to my partner while they are sleeping?
The answer to all of these questions is: Yes! However, I am not giving you permission to masturbate in front of your partner or while your partner is sleeping. What you actually need to do is communicate with your partner and ask them if it is okay. Some partners are very sensitive to the subject, while others do not mind, while others may be aroused, while others may want to join in and hopefully have it lead to sex. The important thing is to speak with your partner and make sure they are comfortable with you doing it.
What was hard to actually find in this research topic was:
Is it okay to think about my partner while I masturbate to them?
Is it okay to masturbate to my partner while they sleep?
Is it okay to masturbate while I watch my partner sleep?
Is it okay to masturbate on my partner while they sleep?
Is it normal for me to be aroused by my partner while they sleep to the point where I need to masturbate?
The answer to most of these questions? Yes! The only exception being that you should probably not masturbate ON your partner while they sleep WITHOUT their permission. However, once again: you must have the trust and permission of your partner to do so. In some cases, partners may be completely accepting of it, might prefer it because you may be choosing to masturbate while watching them instead of watching pornography and they may even feel better about it. It all depends on your partner.
Now if they do say they are NOT accepting of this behavior, then you will either need to reconsider your relationship, especially if it is important to you, or you will need to accept that they do not feel comfortable with you masturbating to them as you stare at them as they sleep. It is highly advised that you ALWAYS respect your partners wishes and try to NEVER make them feel uncomfortable, even if it is not what you wanted. To attempt anything that may be sexual requires you to be sensitive and respectful of your partner’s desires and wishes.
So there are a few different ways we can go here. Let’s imagine a scenario where you wake up and your partner is masturbating. Maybe they are watching porn or maybe they are actually watching you sleep. In the case of porn, it is probably far better to wake up to them watching porn than wake up to them having sex with someone else in the bed. Is there a difference? To some, no. To others, sure. This particular article is not going to discuss what you should do in the event that you do not accept your partner masturbating to porn. What it will try to understand is why you cannot accept your partner masturbating to you while you sleep.
If you wake up and have caught your partner masturbating while watching you, the last thing you want to do is scare them away. If you are accepting of it, let them know. If it disturbs you and makes you feel uncomfortable, let them know. If you need to talk it through so that you understand why they are masturbating to you, then you may want to give them a chance to explain. If they continue while you are not okay with it, you may need to question your ongoing relationship with them, but for the most part, masturbating to a partner is probably one of the most loving acts one can perform in the relationship that ranks right up there with sexual intercourse.
What might be the reasons for your partner masturbating to you? Well, the good news is they are thinking about you. They may be sexually objectifying you, but they are likely doing this because they have no other outlet, and would feel guilty if they were to ever cheat on you. If you think about why your partner is masturbating to you while you sleep, they are likely thinking about you in a sexual way, imagining having you in a sexual position that brings their sexual fantasy to life.
Why are they masturbating to you while thinking this way about you? It is likely because you aren’t going to do it while you are awake nor will you even make an effort to have sex this way. For example, you or your partner may be uncomfortable with anal sex or giving or receiving oral sex, and therefore, will never perform it on you or have you perform it on them. Since your partner loves you, they will not force you to do anything that you do not want to do. This, however, does not mean they don’t ever want you to do it, and therefore, they sexually repress this fantasy with you, and the only time they can bring it to light is in their own minds, while thinking about you in a sexual fantasy.
This also technically covered the reasons why you should also be aroused by them masturbating to you. They are thinking about you in a sexual way and recreating a sexual fantasy in their head with you. Imagine if you did finally allow them to re-create this fantasy in real life and act it out with them. The passionate, crazy, and wild sex you may have by saying Yes! Who knows what they are thinking about, but if you do find them masturbating to you, you may just want to ask them about it, and even let them know it turns you on. This could improve your sex life greatly, your relationship, and certainly your marriage.
I decided to write this article because it didn’t exist and I was curious about exploring the thought processes of someone who masturbates to their spouse while they are sleeping because they are acting out a sexual fantasy in their minds with this person, and while they would love to do it in real life with this person, their partner just may not be willing. There is also another important thing to worry about for that matter: sexual fantasy and reality are not the same thing.
Having sex in your mind in a favorite sexual position with your spouse may be far more exciting than actually having the sexual fantasy with them in real life. This does not mean you and your partner can’t try it a few times, but communication is always key to a great sex life, acceptance of masturbation, regardless of who is doing it, and a possible improvement in the entirety of the relationship overall. Masturbate together to become comfortable with each other and rest assured that even if your partner is masturbating to you while you sleep, they probably feel strongly towards you, and they feel comfortable doing it around you, while thinking about you.
If you don’t feel comfortable, then let them know, and understand that it is probably better they are masturbating to you then someone else. However, it certainly does not mean they shouldn’t respect your wishes, of course. Put yourself in their shoes: you love that person so much and you are in a relationship with them. For the most part, you love having sex with them. Masturbation should be no different at all.
Being in a relationship with someone and open to sexuality in a variety of ways can only improve your relationship with your spouse. Masturbation is the most intimate thing we can do to ourselves and when we trust our partner enough to do it in front of them, we are letting them know that we love them enough that we trust them not to feel that it is something that is weird or awkward, but rather that a partner is doing it because they love their partner and need the “release” of feeling it. Before you decide to masturbate or feel safe enough to do it in the presence of your spouse, communicate with them to ensure they are comfortable with you doing it near them, around them, in front of them, or even while they sleep.
